Why me ?

This couldn’t of come at more of an appropriate time , and this blog could of just saved my life…

As I sit on the bathroom floor after dropping my little one to school I sit crying wondering how I can carry on anymore. I received the email to write my story anonymously, I don’t have anyone to talk to and my family and friends don’t understand how I feel, i’m a young single mum with a 5 year old little boy, I work full time and rent privately.

I suffer with anxiety and depression and last year I took an overdose because I didn’t know how to stop this pain, I just feel so low all the time. I can make ends meet despite working and going without to ensure my little boy never goes without, do you know when you just feel like everything is too much? That’s how I feel all the time. Like I have a big heavy weight on my shoulders and no escape.

I know there are millions of people worse off than me. Sometimes I think i’m Selfish because I think of scenarios in my head that if I knew someone like me I would go out of my way to help them or make them feel special and then get myself down when no one does that for me. I get angry with my family and friends for living their own lives because i’m not happy with mine and I feel like i’m going to be forgotten about.

The fear of not being good enough swamps me on a daily basis and I hate myself. I hate my weight yet I eat to comfort myself, I hate the way I look but don’t have the energy to do my makeup and hair every morning. I hate the way I act when i’m the loud funny girl in the room when in reality I just want to curl in a ball and cry.

I’m Scared one day I will find the strength and carry out the dark thoughts in my head. I’m just a normal girl desperate for a light at the end of the tunnel. Anyone know where I can find it ? 

Just a struggling mum xx

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