Why can’t I accept this pregnancy

I’m 24 and currently 10 weeks pregnant, I’m sure most women are over the moon at this but me right now I can’t even smile at the thought of it.

I had a missed miscarriage at 22 followed by a complete molar pregnancy last April which puts your life on hold for minimum 6 months of no treatment is needed. We were cleared to try again after 6 months in October and fell pregnant in November it wasn’t exactly planned but its not not wanted either.

Had my early scan to rule out another CMP my partner cried my mum cried and well I just looked at the both and said are you both OK? Ontop of this I’ve got severe sickness with hospital admissions. 

I’m waiting for my dating scan and I can’t enjoy anything, I can’t get excited I constantly think what if somethings happened and my body hadn’t told me

I’m just seriously struggling with this pregnancy, I wonder if I’ll belive it when baby is in my arms 

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