Parenting with an absent husband

So I’ve been married for almost 2 years now and we have 3 children, one of mine from a previous relationship (now 4), one of his from a previous relationship (6) and one baby together (1). I feel like a single mum even though technically I’m not, and I know how lucky I am to have a partner that works hard to support all of us financially, which I knew is a huge burden for single mums and SAHMs.

We have his daughter 2 nights a week and every other weekend, and we love her to bits! Our three kids are very close and they all take care of each other but I can’t help feeling that I’m mostly on my own.

My husband works nights, so although he is around in the day, in our own home we have to be quiet during the day and he gets grumpy if the baby cries or if he gets woken up by noise. When he’s not tired, he’s a really good dad, but I feel like a prisoner in my own home in the daytime juggling a toddler and a baby and trying to keep them quiet so he doesn’t get disturbed from his sleep.

Because he works nights and not days, we have no couples time together. We haven’t had a date night since we’ve been married really, and I don’t have any family nearby that could take our kids off our hands for even an evening. When I go to bed at night I am on my own and when he goes to bed, I’m up with the kids doing breakfast. I’ve asked him if maybe we could get a babysitter one night a month to rekindle things, but he says we can’t afford it.

I’ve tried joining mummy groups and going to friends houses in the day just to keep my sanity, but it’s just so hectic with a 4-year-old and a baby where they’re both running riot and keeping my eye on them both! Everyone says it’s okay when we’re there and my kids are trashing their houses, but I feel terrible.

I’m not concerned about having time for myself because I mostly have evenings free to chill out after each crazy day, but having time with my husband and reconnecting with him, and him reconnecting with our children is what I actually really want. I wish he could just help out, even if he had a day job and could support me at dinner time or bedtime, all of us just want him back in our lives without being grumpy because he’s so tired!

Does anyone else feel like this?

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